Sometimes I feel like I’m in love with a ghost or with a thought. Not too sure which one is worse. Day after day I’m waiting for something different. Special is a big word in this context. I’m not going to use it just yet. But yes, I’m waiting for something. I promise, I’m trying my best to hint what I want, what I need, but I get tired as well.

brave enough to write all down, I feel like I will become too personal and it is something, that perhaps I should avoid in this moment in time. Sometimes the house becomes quiet. You can hear people typing around. You can hear the wind, you can hear the sound of the city that invades our private space when the windows are open. You can hear the empty space that is getting lost in the shade of the intense night, that soon enough is going to cover us, again. Read the rest of this entry »

Eating chocolate, smoking a lot, drinking lots of tea and watching movies. Thinking about teenage romances that are meant to make us all strong. We love, we cry, we do whatever it takes to find that real happiness. When you are young, the whole world can be yours, and until we grow older we don’t even realize. ‘The slower we move, the faster we die’. Do we? Are you trying to say that we should not take our time to enjoy life and all the good bits from it?
We try and try and try and when we get no result, suddenly we loose our faith. But that is the way is should be. After ages of being in search of happiness, we get our faith back and try again. Read the rest of this entry »

Today I might surprise you all with something rather different. Forget the sarcasm, forget the angriness and them acid comments that are there just to keep in the dark the real feelings. Forget them.

For a long time I’ve omitted, maybe on purpose, to reveal the real me, to reveal what truly matters. As a human, I do have feeling, I do have dreams. As a woman, or as a girl, not to forget that I’m only twenty,  I don’t know what I want unless I spend hours thinking about it, thinking about my options, analyzing myself. Maybe I finally know what I want. That should make a difference, but it doesn’t really. Read the rest of this entry »

I never really understood the concept of an ‘online diary’. Not at all. I mean, I’ve always liked the idea of a real diary, in which you can draw, you can write using your own handwriting. It’s something better about it. Of course, we evolved, we started to create blogs. Some of them full of venom and sarcasm, some of them real books to be published, some of them really depressed or some of them that smell like spring and happiness. Read the rest of this entry »

Where is the fairy tale? I never believed when my parents were saying: “enjoy your childhood while you can, cuz later, you will face the problems and you will want to be a child again, without worries”. Why did I not listen? Nooo, I want to grow up faster, to be an adult, to do whatever I want. Really??? Why the hell did I fight for such a silly thing?! To be a big girl in a big world. Here I am. A big girl in a different country, doing a degree that I don’t really like and with no job. Yeppy, life’s good. Read the rest of this entry »

Last night it wasn’t me. I was deeply buried in my own little world which seems to be built on lovely memories and moments spent with my very best friends. As we came to a chat, me and one of my dearest friends, we’ve started to unleash so many feelings regarding events that matter, silly things that we’ve done together. All these, helped us create the most amazing two years of our existence. When you are just a teenager and you seem to have that unstoppable desire to change the world and be someone. You are not. You are just another piece of puzzle from the dry society that we live in, but nevertheless, in our eyes, we’ve been special. We will carry with us, in our hearts, them stories that made us laugh, made us cry and made us be truly happy. Read the rest of this entry »

We’re running around in circles. We’re sad, unhappy, depressed and we do not seek to break this horrible circle of vices. I was in that position and probably to a certain extend i’m still one of them people, being blue most of the bloody time. I will be a hypocrite to omit such a true fact. But today is different. I woke up like my week started today. Like my new live is about to begin. No massive changes guys, but don’t get excited for no reason. It’s not that important. Read the rest of this entry »

I remember that I used to stay in my mom’s arms and tell her how beautiful she is. I used to tell her that she has eyes of a snake. Clever, wise and full of secrets. What a funny coincidence. Now I’m the snake. I even have a lame tattoo that I love, on my wrist with the Chinese symbol of a snake. My star sign as well which represents me a lot. Read the rest of this entry »

When I was a little girl, I used to be fascinated by the piano. I was amazed. People putting so much passion, expressing their feelings in such an amazing manner. Anger, sorrow, love, peace. Just by touching a magic instrument. In this moment in time, I would give my kingdom to know how to play it. I’ll hit it that fast and full of anger. Because I’m angry, and I won’t like to scream, but I would like to sing, to play. Read the rest of this entry »

It comes to a moment in time, when you’re bored(as fuck). You realize everything is a mess. You made it happen, so obviously, no one to blame but you. And you panic. Just like me. What to do next? How the fuck should I fix everything? You stay there in your corner and think. And smoke. And drink a beer…and smoke again, and think. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Impossible to find the fricking solution that might make your life a bit better. Well, my dear friends and readers, I’m in shit. Beautiful, smelly crap, and to be honest I’ve got no idea whatsoever what to do. I’m stuck. Literally as well. Read the rest of this entry »